Saturday, May 16, 2009

discovery...

When I was in my early 30s, through a series of events, I found out that my father who raised me was not my biological father. Bridget is the one that was given the information and was in agony to have to tell me. But when she did, I was not that surprised and suddenly so many things made sense from my childhood and adolescence. It also kind of "released" me - from the unknown, from the doubts, from the tension. It was many years later that I finally let my father know what I knew - and we were able to come to a different place with each other and let go of the past (for the most part) and move on as daughter and father.

I spent the evening tonight with some friends that I have known for more than 20 years. My "adopted" family who I have been with through joyous times and some sad times, most tragically last year, when Gretchen died. One of the sisters is Bridget's best friend since elementary school. The family knows and loves us as one of their own.

I have not seen any of them since Bridget and I have split, so we had a lot of catching up to do. In one of the conversations, one sister mentioned something about "Bridget is seeing someone, right?" My whole inside shook, but I just said "I don't know" (which I don't). I don't remember the rest of the conversation. I don't know what to think or how to feel. It may or may not be true. It would make so much sense for her behaviour. It would be the reality that this is over.

But it also, once again, releases me from the unknown, the doubt and the tension. I am living my own life now and making decisions for the girls and myself. I am sad but not as sad as one would expect. It actually has made me feel a little stronger, so I am going to take that and use it.

9 comments:

  1. Interesting how things always work themselves out for our good!

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  2. *hugs* You are an incredible person and friend!

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  3. Biiiig hugs. I can imagine the pain, but you are strong & you are making great strides.

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  4. Wow, Dina, big hugs. You are incredible.

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  5. You are one incredible Mama! Hugs headed your way!!!

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  6. Hugs Dina - you are awesome!

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