walking...

so I have continued my nightly mile walk since Sunday! I feel great ~ it is a little boring circling the trail 4 times to get a mile, but it is a start. :) I even have visions of running it some day - we'll see about that though. Not sure my 42 year old knees can take running!

I am getting ready to go out of town this weekend. We are having a family reunion in Austin. It will be great seeing all the family that I haven't seen in a while. My favorite cousin Milly that I spent my summers with ~ we would spend ALL day in bed reading our books, only getting up to eat. My cousin Monica who has 4 kids now. A cousin Lisa that I have not seen since we were about 12 or 13. My girls are excited to see their cousins too, the next generation :)

The girls and I will stay in Austin on our own for an extra day. I have a few things planned for us and am going to enjoy the time! Next week is both birthdays ~ Ava will be 5 and Zoe will be 3!! I am planning some fun activities all week for us. Not sure when we will have an official birthday party - need to check schedules, but it will be soon.

I finally got a digital camera so I will be posting more pictures soon ~ of my girls, of all the house projects I have planned, maybe even of cooking! I am feeling inspired :)

moving on...

I have been feeling sad the past couple of days. But in my usual way, I have kept myself VERY busy and not dealt with it too much. Bridget picked up the girls today and it all hit me. I just kind of wandered around the house and felt sad. I decided to get out of the house for a bit and get some fresh, albeit HOT, air. I did a little retail therapy, which really needs to stop. Even if it is at Dollar Tree and Big Lots, it still adds up! But anyway, then I came home and worked on straightening up a couple of rooms, but it was still gnawing at me. So I put on my walking shoes and headed out to the trail behind my house (yes, right behind my house - absolutely NO excuse for not walking). No one was out there. There was a nice breeze and I could hear the different conversations and noises as I passed the houses. I let myself relax and just think about the moment. I noticed the bunnies hopping across the my path. I listened to the birds singing in the trees. I thought about how I am able to do this. I am able to move on and be happy with my life. I will not be guilty for my relationship ending. I was one part of the equation. I am working on forgiving myself and forgiving Bridget. I don't know which one is harder.

But I feel good at this moment ~ my head is clear and I feel able to take the next step, both figuratively and literally. I am going to walk again tomorrow and I am going to move on.

one more day until friday...

I am ready for the weekend - I feel worn out for some reason.

Sunday, the girls and I met friends at the nearby rec center pool. This place is awesome - lazy river, slides, big buckets of water splashing down on you. But I got sunburned and have been in pain all week. I made sure girls were protected and forgot about me! Won't do that again!
Bridget picked up the girls that evening and I had dinner with friends.

Monday, my car got broken into at work - they busted out the front passenger window and took my GPS. I had it hidden but the holder was on the window so they had a little clue :(
My Dad has great connections from working in the auto paint & body industry for so many years. He had someone come out and replace my window and my windshield (had a crack in it - might as well replace it too) the next day. He is also getting a few other things looked at and repaired/replaced. Love my Dad :)

I had bunco on Tuesday - we had a full group and it was fun! I didn't win anything but really enjoyed the company. I host in October ~ trying to think of something to make it special, maybe a Halloween theme??

I got the girls back on Wednesday and was really happy to see them - I missed them. We decided to stop at Chick-Fil-A for dinner (free kid's meal with purchase of value meal on Wed nights!) and stayed to play for a while. The girls had fun and got nice and tired! After a bath and a few minutes of Yo Gabba Gabba, they both crashed!

I followed shortly after that LOL.

saturday night...

we made english muffin pizzas for dinner and the girls wanted to sleep in the tent in the living room. guess it's not such a bad thing that we don't have a couch yet! LOL

Ava Zoe


zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


the girls are snoring peacefully in the tent and I am doing little chores in between internet surfing :)




A couple of random thoughts:


~I picked up a tv cabinet and shelf units that I bought from someone on my mom's board. It is beautiful and worth so much more than what I paid. But it is in my garage, along with many other projects, waiting to be painted. I am happy that I am finding great pieces for the house and can make them just the way I want (AND not paying full price is icing on the cake!!) But I really need a weekend to get this painting done and get these things in the house!


~also from my mom's board, I have joined their version of The Biggest Loser. It started yesterday and runs for 12 weeks. We send our weight in on Fridays and the person who loses the most percentage of body weight wins the pot ($5 entry fee). Maybe this will be the motivation I need! I am working on my plan for eating and exercising. I have 2 more weeks of WW left and will get back to tracking my food.



~I have been organizing my pantry and kitchen. I am serious when I say this gives me so much pleasure! LOL It is fun to me and helps motivate me to do other areas of the house! I am working my way through every room and figuring out what I need to get it all organized and to hopefully stay clutter-free.



~I booked my hotel for the end of the month. We have a family reunion in Austin and I will stay an extra couple of nights with the girls. I am a little scared of being there alone - I have never done that with just me and the girls. But I have plans for the Children's Museum and some other activities, so I think we will have fun. I am off that week and we will come back and celebrate birthdays ~ Ava 6/30 and Zoe 7/3. Per their requests, we will be riding baby unicorns and having cake. If the unicorns fall through, we will either go ice skating or ride horses. :)

my fear has come true...

Bridget called me earlier today. She said she had to tell me something. I knew what was coming. She is seeing someone...and has been for a "few" months. In my heart, I already knew. Even when others thought that might be happening, I strongly defended her (and my life with her). I don't think it was going on when we were still together, but most likely at the end, when Bridget had already checked out. Even though I am doing so well on my own and making a wonderful life for me and the girls, this still sucks. It breaks my heart and hurts my soul. Even though not a week goes by that I don't say, well at least I don't have to deal with that anymore...it solidifies that this is really over. The goals we had and the future we planned for is gone. The tiny hope I kept in my pocket of us being a happy family of 4 is gone.

17 years of a life together and now she is with someone else...I can't even fathom dating or bringing someone new in my life. But once again, we are so very different - neither is better or worse, just different.

time...

my alarm woke me up at 5:45 ~ which is the time I need when I have the girls, however, I didn't have the girls this morning (or tomorrow). I hit snooze and went back to sleep. then I realized that I could use those mornings to walk the trail behind my house! I complain about no time to exercise and I just found it :)

I have also been thinking about time. Ava will be 5 this summer and starting Kindergarten in the fall. Zoe will be 3. Where has the time gone? :(

I know this is a no-brainer to most, but I have decided to give more of my time and myself to the girls when I have them. I work out of the home so I feel like I miss so much of their day to day life. I am thankful that I have my parents to care for them, but I hate that they are not with me more. So I have decided to really use my time wisely.

Chores can wait, my "me" time can wait for the nights that I don't have the girls, time on the computer can wait... I want to be present for my daughters, I want to truly enjoy my time with them.

I read on a blog about giving "leftovers" to the kids and it has really stuck with me. Our kids deserve the best of us, not just what is left at the end of the day. *love*

another week begins...

this weekend was good but very full...

up at 5:45 am on Saturday to participate in the 2009 Komen Race for the Cure 5K! I raised over $200 and walked with my awesome DAM friends! it was a great morning :)

then off on a mad rush to shower and pick up the girls from Mom and drive to Commerce for Autumn's birthday party (my great niece). for those that don't know, Commerce is about 1 1/2 hours away! once we got there, it was wonderful to see family and the girls enjoyed the children's museum. then it was time to trek back home - we were all pretty tired so we just vegged the rest of the night.

sunday we were supposed to go to another birthday party, but I just couldn't put us through another long drive (this was just in Arlington, but still a way from our house). So we stayed home and puttered around with toys and organizing.

the girls are with Bridget tonight, through Wednesday and will come back on Thursday. I am hoping to get some things accomplished this week: freezer meals, toy clean-up, organizing!

I haven't been on track with WW lately but I am making better decisions about what I am eating. and I am excited to start working out again - just need to make the time! I am hoping to do a 5K every month for the rest of the year :) I am nervous about weighing in - might do it tonight and get it done (I missed last week). but I think the scale might have good news this week - here's hoping!

kid free Wednesday...

I really should blog a little more often ~ I am old, I forget what I have done from day to day! LOL

so the title up there is in reference to our new kid schedule ~ Bridget actually initiated it. I was complaining about not having any weekend time sans kids and I guess she finally got it. It seems like it will work out pretty well and is equal and fair. I get Wednesdays and she gets Thursdays ~ we alternate the weekends. I think it will work for now.

So last weekend was my first without the girls ~ and true to form, I managed to fill it up with lots of things to do! I really need to take one of those weekends and just relax...soon!

Friday, my friend Angie came into town. Angie and I have known each other via phone and email for almost 8 years and this was the first time we met! I was a little nervous about how we would get along in person. I didn't need to be ~ we got along so well and had so much to talk about. It was very comfortable and I enjoyed our time. We went out to eat, hit Sam Moon for jewelry and purses and topped it off with manicures and a stop at Ikea! We are already planning our next visits! Thanks again, Angie :)

I tried a different WW meeting on Saturday morning. It was ok, but I could only go if I don't have the girls. So I had a .8 loss ~ very discouraging but we all know what needs to be done, so yada, yada. Total loss since 4/22 = 4.6 But 4 and 6 are my lucky numbers, so I feel good about it! LOL

Saturday night, I had dinner at my best friend Wendy's house. We have a mutual friend Jodi who is a masseuse and does body work. She wanted to have a little breathing class for us (and Wendy's husband Brian and his friend Bill). I was late for the "class" but got a quick review on my own afterwards. It was a great lesson and I need to practice it more. Breathe from the belly, people (belly, ribs, chest, relax! ) Brian also made a fabulous spinach lasagna. I had a wonderful evening and love being around my BF of 32 years.

Sunday, I drove out to Forney (yes, that is still in Texas!) to pick up 4 patio chairs from my friend Helen (for FREE!). The drive was totally worth it ~ I love the chairs and I love the price!! And Helen pretty much rocks! :)

Then, the moment we have all been waiting for...we picked up the horse and mermaid from the pottery place!!! They turned out really cute and the girls are so proud of them. We are planning to go back and make something for Grandma and Grandpa (birthdays this month). Afterwards, we stopped by to visit Taylor and Katie and stayed for dinner. No Rock Band this time though - darn!

Monday, I got my "new" car from my friend Cami, a 2001 Mitsubishi Montero, seats 7 and is in great shape. I owe 2 payments on my car and will sell it. I am sticking to my plan of no more car payments and I got a bigger car for my needs! I love it!!

So I need to take a minute to talk about my blessings...I truly believe in karma and I feel so grateful to have all of these amazing things happening in my life. I feel like a pheonix ~ I thought there would be no way that I could survive the loss of my relationship. I had not known any other way for 17 years. Yet I am blown away daily with the way things keep playing out and how things fall into place. Thank you to my friends and family and to many of you who don't even realize what an inspiration you are to me. I am forever thankful that you are in my life. :)