Friday, January 23, 2009

All my experiences have led me to this point...

I am a firm believer that all of the events and experiences in your life make you the person you are meant to be....good and bad.

So now, here I am, almost 42 years old and having to start a new chapter in my life. But I am hopeful that this will be a good thing in the end.

After 17 years, my partner has decided she no longer wants to be in this relationship. This was not a sudden decision or even a surprise. We have had many years of our issues and always put them on the bottom of the priority list. I take full responsibility for my part and was finally making the time to resolve the things that I had control over. I started counseling and medication. But in the end, she was not happy and asked to leave. So now, I am having to rethink how I will live my life as not only a single woman, but as a parent as well. On one hand, I am somewhat relieved. Maybe this is the drastic measure we need to finally make the change. But even if that is not the case, I am hopeful for finding myself again. I have been "lost" for a long time. I spent a lot of time deferring to other peoples' needs and not taking care of my own. My main focus now is to make a smooth transition for our daughters - we both love them very much and want only the best. I still love B and hoped to spend my life with her. But I am coming to terms with what is happening and it is time to move on.

I am grieving the relationship on so many levels ~ not only the loss of my partner, but also the hopes and dreams we had for our future. I am grieving the loss of her family as part of mine. I am grieving the way things could have been.

I am so grateful for friends who have been giving me unconditional support and love. It is overwhelming (in a good way) and I am really, really thankful.


  1. Counceling is such a GREAT thing. It worked miracles for Mark and I both as a couple and as individuals. I am so sorry that you are going through this but glad you see how things events work together... I will be praying for you and the girls :-)

  2. Hugs to you, My Friend! We'll be praying for you and your sweet girls! Come over anytime....we're here for you!

  3. I am so very proud of you! You are just a wonderful and beautiful person. The sun will shine on you through all of this. *hugs*

  4. It must feel great to be surrounded by so much love. You are wonderful!

  5. ((hugs)) One day at a time. It will get better, but first it has to be hard. Doesn't seem fair, but sometimes it takes pain to appreciate the joys, right?

  6. You are an amazing woman and mother from what I've read from you. You will get through this, and be better for it. ((((HUGS))))