christmas has come and gone, new year about to start...

Christmas is over and I was ready for it to be gone. I just couldn't get into the whole holiday spirit this year - lots of changes from years past, not really sure where I belonged. But it was fine overall, I enjoyed the time I spent with the girls and some of the traditions we started this year. I have plans for new ones next year as well.

Now on to 2010...I am ready for it! I always love January 1st ~ so much potential, so many new goals and aspirations. I may not always follow through on my resolutions, but I love the feeling of starting fresh. This is going to be My Year ~ I can feel it, I know it deep down inside. It is not just about losing weight or getting organized (like all the years past). It is about finally finding myself and loving who I am.

I have a list of goals and to-do's but my main focus is going to be living in the moment. This is one of my biggest weaknesses. I am always looking behind or far ahead - and missing out on the present. I want to appreciate all that is happening...right now.

I have a handful of people in my life that I truly admire and look to for inspiration. Different types of people, different lives and different reasons why I think of them as role models to aspire to. I am going to keep those people close and up front - try to stay focused on what I love most about their attitudes and outlooks on life. And I will hope to be an example to someone else at some point.

I will be 43 years old this April - lots to do before and after that birthday. Time to get busy :)

first holiday on my own...

today has been a mixture of emotions for me ~ it is the first official holiday as a single person and without my girls.

I started the day with the YMCA Turkey Trot downtown. I have always wanted to participate but never could because of Thanksgiving day obligations. So it was fun to be able to join in this year and I definitely plan to make this an annual event. My goal is to run it next year ;)

Afterwards I joined my friend Jacki and her family at the temple for a vegetarian lunch buffet ~ my first tofurkey! LOL It did not look or taste like turkey, but I love tofu and it was delicious!

I came home and started puttering around ~ but I have also been nursing a sore throat today and decided to take a little nap. I am still a little out of it but doing okay.

I am sad to be without my girls today though and have decided to cook/host at my place next year. I like having leftovers for dinner and I am dying for some right now! I also like the idea of having an open house for anyone that doesn't have plans and wants to join us.

The alone time has given me a chance to think about things, which can be both good and bad. But I am formulating my list of goals and plans for the next year. I have so much I want to take care of ~ need to write them down and prioritize.

The girls come back tomorrow and I am hoping I feel better. I want to do a couple of fun things before the break is over. It is also officially Christmas decorating time at our house, so we will be busy with that as well. Hoping for a good December...

feeling better...

so this week brought a couple more "revelations" about what a small world I live in and it shook me up pretty good...but I have some great friends who have helped me clear my head and gain a new perspective. I am so very thankful for the people in my life :)

I am trying desperately to get some things done! I have taken in entirely too many "projects" and have to get them completed!! This includes priming and sanding and painting ~ I am excited to do them but the time simply gets away from me! I am setting a goal for completion by planning an open house soon. I am ready to open up my house to friends and family. I love having people over, with kids and without, dinner, drinks, movies...I love having a comfortable and welcoming home. So there is my kick in the butt to get things done ;)

I had a great day yesterday!
I picked up another TV cabinet to be updated (I know, I know) that will go in my bedroom.
Attended a mother's blessing party, enjoyed great company AND got a henna tattoo!
Ended with a night in watching movies at a friends house - until 3am! ACK!!

Today is going to be productive...cleaning house, prioritizing what needs to get done, paying bills, etc. All before the girls come back home at 6!!

Happy for a clear head...

Saturday...

We went to a birthday party for Vincent (just turned 5). The girls had fun and I enjoyed visiting with a couple of my friends. The weather has been just gorgeous and being outside was so nice! We stayed until right before dusk and then headed home. Zoe crashed and stayed asleep. Ava hung with me for a while and "read" her school papers to me and sang me songs. She is now snoring beside Zoe and I get a little down time. I really should read one of the books sitting next to my bed. Oh well, maybe I will just keep surfing...

changes...

Changes in how I am addressing certain situations (work, home, kids, etc) and trying to make the best of things. I know I need to make some changes within before I can move on with my life. It is hard - hard to admit that I have faults, hard to move out of my comfort zone, hard to think too far into the future. But I also can't stay here.

This weekend is the 3 Day Breast Cancer Walk - my sister in law Paula is walking in honor of Jeanette, her mother and her aunt. I was looking at pictures on Facebook that Bridget's cousin posted of the cheering stations. The siblings were there and other family. I can just imagine the feelings Paula is feeling this weekend. I remember doing the bike ride in 1999, like it was yesterday. The emotions, the spirit, the feeling of accomplishment. I am so proud of her!

But as I was looking at the pictures, I didn't recognize someone in the crowd, then I saw she had a dog. And it clicked ~ that was Bridget's new girlfriend. There...with the family...in my place. I am not sure what I am feeling right now. I do fine for the most part and then little things will just knock me down. Like this. Or when I saw the movie last week and it had a couple celebrating their 63rd anniversary. It made my heart hurt - we were supposed to celebrate all those years too.

I feel so disconnected right now. I am just not sure what my role is with the family anymore. I am not ready or willing to let go after 17 years, but I wonder if I am supposed to. Luckily, I have not been in this situation before.

Going to write another post after this one - on a happier note...

Today was a good day...

although I am only half finished painting my fabulous green bookcase and the house is an absolute wreck, I had a great day.

I met my new friend Kirsten for a meeting and then we went to a movie. I cannot remember the last movie I saw at the theatre that was not animated or rated G. This was a real, grown up movie! K had not been to a movie since she had her daughter (almost 3). We were a couple of giddy mommies!! It was wonderful to share popcorn with a new friend and see a great movie.

I need to do that more often :)

P.S. The movie was "New York, I love You" ~ and I really liked it!! Lots of my favorite actors and I could "feel" the energy of NY!

The Rock...

No, not the beautiful wrestler/actor LOL ~ I am talking about White Rock Lake and how I walked all 9.3 miles of it!!!

The plan was to walk 13 miles - but I was 45 minutes late meeting Brandie and then Brandie had some shoe issues, so we settled on going around the lake once (9.3). The weather started out pretty chilly and I realized that I would need to be prepared for the real half in December. But the morning turned into a gorgeous day, just perfect for being out.

I felt amazing afterwards - we had lunch at Barbec's in Lakewood to celebrate ;)

I came home and decided that I could take a nap or actually get some stuff done. I chose the latter and that is a good thing! I needed to feel motivated to get things accomplished and I think that walk did it. I am charged up and ready for this month. Lots to look forward to!

I am excited about training for the half - I know that I will be able to do it!