Saturday, November 7, 2009


Changes in how I am addressing certain situations (work, home, kids, etc) and trying to make the best of things. I know I need to make some changes within before I can move on with my life. It is hard - hard to admit that I have faults, hard to move out of my comfort zone, hard to think too far into the future. But I also can't stay here.

This weekend is the 3 Day Breast Cancer Walk - my sister in law Paula is walking in honor of Jeanette, her mother and her aunt. I was looking at pictures on Facebook that Bridget's cousin posted of the cheering stations. The siblings were there and other family. I can just imagine the feelings Paula is feeling this weekend. I remember doing the bike ride in 1999, like it was yesterday. The emotions, the spirit, the feeling of accomplishment. I am so proud of her!

But as I was looking at the pictures, I didn't recognize someone in the crowd, then I saw she had a dog. And it clicked ~ that was Bridget's new girlfriend. There...with the my place. I am not sure what I am feeling right now. I do fine for the most part and then little things will just knock me down. Like this. Or when I saw the movie last week and it had a couple celebrating their 63rd anniversary. It made my heart hurt - we were supposed to celebrate all those years too.

I feel so disconnected right now. I am just not sure what my role is with the family anymore. I am not ready or willing to let go after 17 years, but I wonder if I am supposed to. Luckily, I have not been in this situation before.

Going to write another post after this one - on a happier note...

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry you're dealing with all those feelings. I have to assume, with time, it will get easier... but I don't really know that for a fact. It's hard to cut ties, but then again, if you don't cut them won't you be allowing yourself to hurt over & over again? That's a hard one. They are your family, I understand. I wish I were more insightful.