Saturday...

We went to a birthday party for Vincent (just turned 5). The girls had fun and I enjoyed visiting with a couple of my friends. The weather has been just gorgeous and being outside was so nice! We stayed until right before dusk and then headed home. Zoe crashed and stayed asleep. Ava hung with me for a while and "read" her school papers to me and sang me songs. She is now snoring beside Zoe and I get a little down time. I really should read one of the books sitting next to my bed. Oh well, maybe I will just keep surfing...

changes...

Changes in how I am addressing certain situations (work, home, kids, etc) and trying to make the best of things. I know I need to make some changes within before I can move on with my life. It is hard - hard to admit that I have faults, hard to move out of my comfort zone, hard to think too far into the future. But I also can't stay here.

This weekend is the 3 Day Breast Cancer Walk - my sister in law Paula is walking in honor of Jeanette, her mother and her aunt. I was looking at pictures on Facebook that Bridget's cousin posted of the cheering stations. The siblings were there and other family. I can just imagine the feelings Paula is feeling this weekend. I remember doing the bike ride in 1999, like it was yesterday. The emotions, the spirit, the feeling of accomplishment. I am so proud of her!

But as I was looking at the pictures, I didn't recognize someone in the crowd, then I saw she had a dog. And it clicked ~ that was Bridget's new girlfriend. There...with the family...in my place. I am not sure what I am feeling right now. I do fine for the most part and then little things will just knock me down. Like this. Or when I saw the movie last week and it had a couple celebrating their 63rd anniversary. It made my heart hurt - we were supposed to celebrate all those years too.

I feel so disconnected right now. I am just not sure what my role is with the family anymore. I am not ready or willing to let go after 17 years, but I wonder if I am supposed to. Luckily, I have not been in this situation before.

Going to write another post after this one - on a happier note...

Today was a good day...

although I am only half finished painting my fabulous green bookcase and the house is an absolute wreck, I had a great day.

I met my new friend Kirsten for a meeting and then we went to a movie. I cannot remember the last movie I saw at the theatre that was not animated or rated G. This was a real, grown up movie! K had not been to a movie since she had her daughter (almost 3). We were a couple of giddy mommies!! It was wonderful to share popcorn with a new friend and see a great movie.

I need to do that more often :)

P.S. The movie was "New York, I love You" ~ and I really liked it!! Lots of my favorite actors and I could "feel" the energy of NY!

The Rock...

No, not the beautiful wrestler/actor LOL ~ I am talking about White Rock Lake and how I walked all 9.3 miles of it!!!

The plan was to walk 13 miles - but I was 45 minutes late meeting Brandie and then Brandie had some shoe issues, so we settled on going around the lake once (9.3). The weather started out pretty chilly and I realized that I would need to be prepared for the real half in December. But the morning turned into a gorgeous day, just perfect for being out.

I felt amazing afterwards - we had lunch at Barbec's in Lakewood to celebrate ;)

I came home and decided that I could take a nap or actually get some stuff done. I chose the latter and that is a good thing! I needed to feel motivated to get things accomplished and I think that walk did it. I am charged up and ready for this month. Lots to look forward to!

I am excited about training for the half - I know that I will be able to do it!

gratitude...

I copied this from my friend's FB status today - I liked it! (thanks K!)

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity…. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing,... and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.” ~Melodie Beattie

This week, I have once again been amazed at how things work themselves out. When I think I am going to hit the wall, something opens up and allows me to continue ~ spiritually, mentally, financially. I am grateful for all that I have...thank you :)

feeling restless...

I have so many things on the horizon, so many things I want to do. I feel like I am in a constant state of anxiety, not so much the "bad" anxiety...but the kind of nervous, twitchy, restless feeling of something about to happen. I feel like I am just on the verge of lifting off, but something keeps holding me down. Most likely my insecurity and my fear of failure, they are heavy weights. I have something inside of me just waiting to soar - I can feel it! I need to release it. I just know that I have so much to accomplish and so much to give. I am ready to be free of these chains of my past, of my lack of confidence, of my uncertainty of my worth. Just need to take it one step at a time, that's the only way to get there...

so first step ~ I am going with a new friend to an Al-Anon meeting tomorrow. I have been gone too long and think maybe this will help to refocus.

call me crazy...

but I just decided today to walk the Dallas White Rock Half Marathon in December!

Details to follow (as soon as I figure them out LOL)...