learning to stop and breathe...

So Ava started Kindergarten this week. Monday was rough! I cried, she cried...I wanted to scoop her up and take her home. I waited all day long, wondering how she was doing and hoping she was enjoying herself. When we picked her up after school, I couldn't tell at first how it went. (again, she is SO much like me!). But then she told me about her day and I could see that she was just fine. :) The 2nd day was a little rough again but it went well. The 3rd and 4th days were pretty good! I am so proud of my girl - she is strong and smart and learning to be independent. I try to allow her that room - as much as I want to hold her tight and never let her go, she needs to try out her wings. I am trying hard to take it all in - it goes by so fast.

"roots to grow, wings to fly"

~ stolen from a friend's message board signature, I try to remember this often

Zoe is staying with my parents for now - we will try a part time program soon for her. It will give my parents a break and give Zoe some special time as well. She misses Ava :(

I am looking at job options (again). I have been here for over 8 years and I just don't want to be here. I am not foolish enough to make any rash decisions but I am putting out feelers that I am looking. Ideally I would love to work for the school distict - be closer to home and to have girls' schedule. I am not sure about the pay though. Will be contacting some recruiters to get some ideas.

I have been faltering on my exercise and eating the past couple of weeks. I have been too stressed and nervous to eat well - I have actually lost 5.5 lbs since the beginning of the month. I have not been able to walk like I had hoped. But we are finally emptying out the storage and I will have my treadmill this weekend. So no more excuses - I can at least walk on that daily!

I am dealing with some stuff about Bridget too - she and Amy are spending time together with the girls. The girls know that Amy is Mama's friend (only) and they enjoy her. I am glad she is a nice person. I haven't met her yet - not sure when I will be ready??? It still gives me a little lump in my throat to think about her in their lives. And about her being able to make Bridget happy when I apparently failed. I know it is not my responsibility to make her happy but it is hard to not think that way, you know? I am working on feeling good about myself and knowing that I am worthy...of a relationship (or not), of having a good life, of being a good mom/daughter/friend.