Thursday, August 27, 2009

learning to stop and breathe...

So Ava started Kindergarten this week. Monday was rough! I cried, she cried...I wanted to scoop her up and take her home. I waited all day long, wondering how she was doing and hoping she was enjoying herself. When we picked her up after school, I couldn't tell at first how it went. (again, she is SO much like me!). But then she told me about her day and I could see that she was just fine. :) The 2nd day was a little rough again but it went well. The 3rd and 4th days were pretty good! I am so proud of my girl - she is strong and smart and learning to be independent. I try to allow her that room - as much as I want to hold her tight and never let her go, she needs to try out her wings. I am trying hard to take it all in - it goes by so fast.

"roots to grow, wings to fly"
~ stolen from a friend's message board signature, I try to remember this often

Zoe is staying with my parents for now - we will try a part time program soon for her. It will give my parents a break and give Zoe some special time as well. She misses Ava :(

I am looking at job options (again). I have been here for over 8 years and I just don't want to be here. I am not foolish enough to make any rash decisions but I am putting out feelers that I am looking. Ideally I would love to work for the school distict - be closer to home and to have girls' schedule. I am not sure about the pay though. Will be contacting some recruiters to get some ideas.

I have been faltering on my exercise and eating the past couple of weeks. I have been too stressed and nervous to eat well - I have actually lost 5.5 lbs since the beginning of the month. I have not been able to walk like I had hoped. But we are finally emptying out the storage and I will have my treadmill this weekend. So no more excuses - I can at least walk on that daily!

I am dealing with some stuff about Bridget too - she and Amy are spending time together with the girls. The girls know that Amy is Mama's friend (only) and they enjoy her. I am glad she is a nice person. I haven't met her yet - not sure when I will be ready??? It still gives me a little lump in my throat to think about her in their lives. And about her being able to make Bridget happy when I apparently failed. I know it is not my responsibility to make her happy but it is hard to not think that way, you know? I am working on feeling good about myself and knowing that I am worthy...of a relationship (or not), of having a good life, of being a good mom/daughter/friend.


  1. Hugs girl! Hope you find a great job. Too bad you dont live closer to me, then you can join me and my friend as we exercise.

  2. Hugs to you! You do deserve to be happy, and will be!

  3. more hugs, Dina. i love ya girl!!

  4. You are such a strong and wonderful woman. I know you have amazing things still to come in your life. :)

  5. I love you to pieces, Dina. I will pray that you find the job of your dreams, and that you find happiness and contentment. You are an amazing woman, friend, and mother. Your future mate will be so blessed to have found you. :)

  6. I know this is an older post, but I really just wanted to give you a hug, and to remind you not to let appearances of what her life is determine your joy. ((Hug))